the psychology of Gay vs SSA
On a blog I read recently, the guy said he was gay/ssa, but wasn't going to get into semantics. I respectfully disagree - I think it's more than semantics. Obviously, I think it makes a difference, as I choose to make the distinction. Here are my thoughts on why.
First, we are told in the scriptures that as a man thinketh, so is he. A motivational saying (not LDS in origin, but compatible with LDS beliefs) says:
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny!
If we identify ourselves in a certain way, doesn't it then follow that our destiny will be guided by that thought about ourselves?? How we identify ourselves has to factor in to how we make our choices, even in the choices we see as available to us. In other words, self talk guides who we will become and how effective we are at what we undertake. Why would we want to work against ourselves that way?
From a less philosophical point of view, Alfred Kinsey was a landmark sex researcher who concluded that sexual orientation isn't all or nothing. He developed the Kinsey scale which shows a spectrum of attraction between heterosexual and homosexual attraction.
The point is that even for those of us dealing with this, it usually isn't all or nothing. To identify as gay would likely be to state the situation as being more extreme than it is.
Maybe you can see yourselves as gay and still see yourselves as having options, but why make the battle harder than it has to be??
posted by LDSwithSSA at Sunday, February 05, 2006
11 Comments:
What if one is a 6 on the scale? Would you still say he had SSA or would he be considered gay in your opinion?
6:48 AM
I'm going to respectfully disagree with you on this one. "To identify as gay would likely be to state the situation as being more extreme than it is." That is an idea in your head. Really Gay and SSA are just words. There are plenty of guys who talk about "struggling" with SSA on wednesday nights and hookup with boys throughout the week and plenty of others who talk about being "gay" or "queer" and just go on living. It really is just semantics. Getting hung up on it seems like a fruitless and alienating pursuit. But then I imagine you and I differ on some ideas, for example, I think I have been queer as long as I remember and I don't imagine that it can be "repaired." I'm not even sure God intends it to be. To me, this doesn't make the situation more extreme than it is at all. The situation would be extreme if I really believed i had a pyscological issue that needed to fixed. That situation would be exasperated by the fact that nearly a dozen years of trying have created absolutely no change in my sexuality. I agree with you on the Kinsey scale. We all have different levels of sexuality. Blessed be the man who finds himself low on the scale.
As a man thinketh, so is he. That is true. The problem arises when people chose to label themselves as "gay," then let that label occupy their thoughts. (An even more extreme problem seems to arise when they chose to label themselves nearly exclusively by the dual, and apparently contradictory, labels of Gay and Mormon as you can see in many blogs). The think about it so much that yes, they begin to feel like they need to perform in that role and seek out validation with guys.
I guess my point is that it doesn't have to be that way. You can be gay or queer or SSA (I really don't want to say struggle with SSA) or a fag or a fairy or whatever, but you are also a lot of other things. You can still exercise self control and you can still work to improve yourself.
8:09 AM
I guess I lack the eloquence I strive for. For me, saying that I have SSA rather saying I am gay is so much more than just words. It recognizes the power of words on our psyches. It says that this is an attribute not who I am, it says that I am defined more by what I choose than by what I feel. It is one of the ways I choose to take control over who I am and not let my base desires dictate who I will be. It is a reflection of my mindset.
11:33 PM
I have been thinking a lot about evergreen. I'm not sure what my oppinion is on it. I visited the website but it seemed a bit vague. What might you tell someone who struggles with SSA/Gay tendencies who is thinking about going?
Do you have to be in Utah to attend?
What goals do you hope to accomplish by going? Or is it just a support system?
12:05 PM
Beyond what I put into my >last post, and it's comments, it would depend on what you might want to know. You can e-mail me if you have any specific questions that the post doesn't answer.
8:35 PM
As for your question about being in Utah, no, they have groups all over if you are interested. Also anyone can start one in their area, if there is enough interest. Here is a list of groups around the country and the world. You can contact them by toll free phone or by e-mail to get contact numbers for the group leader in your area.
Again, if there are questions this didn't answer, please comment or e-mail me.
10:48 PM
I agree with El Veneno. Yes, words can have power, but only as much power as we give them. As far as I'm concerned, "I have same-sex attraction" and "I am gay" are synonymous: they both mean that I am a man who is attracted to men. The difference perhaps is that SSA sounds more to me like some condition I have to deal with, while gay just is. I find that my life is much easier when I think of myself as a gay man who chooses not to have a sexual relationship with a man because I'm married to a woman than when I think of myself as a man who is struggling with SSA. So I guess the terminology does affect how I think, but differently than it affects you.
10:47 AM
Thanks Master Fob...that gives me some food for thought.
8:25 AM
"First, we are told in the scriptures that as a man thinketh, so is he. A motivational saying (not LDS in origin, but compatible with LDS beliefs)"
If you think you have a problem (e.g, SSA,) then you do. But if you don't think you have a problem.....
What power have the words you've heard in the Mormon church had on you?
8:05 PM
They have shaped my life, and given me a reason to hang on when I wanted to give up. They gave me hope and comfort when my problems (other than SSA) were overwhelming.
2:22 PM
For anyone that is considering going to Evergreen, I would definitely recommend going.
Years ago I went to counseling by LDS Family Services. My counselor was one of the founding members of Evergreen, and he totally discouraged it for some reason. He also told me that I shouldn't go on a mission because of SSA, etc, etc. Being a straight man, he couldn't identify with me and his only tools were his texts on Freudian psychology, statistics, etc. Evergreen is real people that are dealing with it.
I don't expect to be cured, but I get support from other people having the same issues.
11:53 PM
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