Some people just don't get it
I did a search on blogger today to see how many other blogs there are with the same theme as mine. I stumbled across a blog entry by a gal who has several gay friends about 4 "gay Mormons." She posted links to the blogs of those 4 self-confessed "gay Mormons," and I couldn't help but think that some of them have missed some crucial points.
For me, it is just this simple: we have been told that we "shall live by every word which proceedeth forth out of the mouth of God," and that we should take the words of the prophet as if they came from God's own mouth. This makes issues of right and wrong very simple. The Proclamation on the Family makes it very clear how we should live, including those of us with SSA. Now, if you don't believe that the LDS church is led by a prophet, then that's different, and if you call yourself Mormon and don't believe that, then you need to do some soul searching. I do believe this principle, and know that following him is the right thing to do. When people talk about deprogramming in those posts, I don't see how they can believe that the church is led by a prophet. Some of them say that they believe in the church, but not it's stand on homosexuality. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY...IT'S ALL OR NOTHING (imho). It's not a smorgasbord where you can pick and choose.
One of the 4 mentioned above talked about going on gay dates, and had talked himself into believing that he could be an upright member of the church. It really appeared that he couldn't see that this was one of the first steps in walking away from the church.
Part of having SSA (at least for me, and I know for quite a few others as well) is about not having had adequate male bonding in my life, about the unfulfilled need for healthy male relationships. I can't say that I haven't thought about what it would be like to indulge my desires and have a relationship with a man. Since I don't know very well how to build normal healthy male relationships, it's easy to imagine something else. But, I value what I get from being a member of the LDS church more. That is why I have stayed the course, served a mission, found a wonderful woman I could love and marry in the temple. That is why I have tried to fulfill the callings I have had honorably and keep my desires in check, and to find healthy appropriate ways to meet those needs.
Maybe I just value my membership in the church more than they do. I certainly value it more than the short lived pleasure I would get from indulging my desires. Maybe it really is as simple as "they just don't get it."