My thoughts and musings on living a straight, Christian life while dealing with same sex attraction (SSA). Respectful comments are welcomed.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Choices


It has been said that the gate of history turns on small hinges, and so do people's lives. The choices we make determine our destiny.

This quote by Thomas S. Monson sums up one of the themes that I have been trying to communicate lately. Small choices are part of how Satan leads us carefully down to hell. Most of us have heard the story of the frog in cold water that gets slowly heated up, and how the frog won't realize he's being boiled to death. I'm sure we can all look and see that pattern in our own mistakes, whether they have to do with this issue or not. I see the same slow slide away from the church in several of the blogs I have read lately, and I worry for those being so lead, but how do I communicate that without giving offense? I'm not sure, maybe there is no way.

Often times, we don't realize that we are choosing one path over another (LDS Gay RM talked about this in this post). Sometimes that is because it doesn't seem that the choice is relevant to bigger things, and sometimes, I think, it is because we talk ourselves into believing that what we are doing is OK. We rationalize away our conscience to allow ourselves to choose a path we know is wrong. Still, we don't always see the end of that path, or we might not choose it (and thus the phrase "carefully lead").

I do know that the Gospel is true, and that even though it may give us some hard choices, it is the best way to happiness. The gospel definition of sacrifice is to give up something important to us for something of greater worth. I know that sacrificing my physical desires about SSA will bring me greater blessings, and are worth what I am giving up.

7 Comments:

Anonymous hurricane said...

We rationalize away our conscience to allow ourselves to choose a path we know is wrong.

I have serious issues with this statement. Add this to the list of reasons why some people think you are self righteous.

I do not deny that we do this sometimes--everyone rationalizes and justifies their actions to some extent. But the suggestion that you are making is that when someone starts to walk path that takes them in a new direction, away from the LDS Church, they do so aware that they are doing something wrong.

I reject that premise. I have made the decision to accept that I am gay, come out as a gay man, end my marriage, and lead a gay life. I do these things knowing that they are right -- a conclustion I came to only after years of soul searching and months of painful conversation with my wife. And in all of this, I have never felt closer to God than I do now.

I can see you shaking your head even as I write this...

I do know that the Gospel is true, and that even though it may give us some hard choices, it is the best way to happiness. The gospel definition of sacrifice is to give up something important to us for something of greater worth.

That is what I am trying to do. But the thing of greater worth that I am sacricing to achieve is not "giving in" to my same-sex attraction, it is a life of greater honesty and integrity.

I know that sacrificing my physical desires about SSA will bring me greater blessings, and are worth what I am giving up.

What are the "greater blessings" that you are expecting by sacrificing your "physical desires"?

9:57 AM

 
Anonymous Foxx said...

What are the blessings you've received or that you are expecting? I have a hard time seeing what those blessings will be sometimes.

12:20 PM

 
Blogger LDSwithSSA said...

It's interesting that you guys are demanding answers from me, and call me self-righteous. Somehow, I don't think you are asking because you want to understand my thinking.

I respect your right to make a choice different from mine. I also reserve the right to disagree with your choice, as you do with mine.

10:04 PM

 
Anonymous Foxx said...

No, I really do want to know what those blessings are. I know I can't see them, but it doesn't mean I won't be able to if you point it out. Promise.

11:02 PM

 
Blogger Chris said...

I absolutely do want to understand your thinking. I want to know what you think the blessings are that I will miss.

As for respect, it's not at all clear to me that you do respect my choices. You frequently describe choices such as the one I am making as objectively wrong -- not just wrong for you.

5:43 AM

 
Blogger Chris said...

LDS with SSA,

It occurs to me that perhaps not much good is coming from my comments on your blog. You and I have chosen two very different ways of dealing with this issue.

I respect you for dealing with your sexuality in the best way you know how and for doing your best to be true to yourself and your values and beliefs. That's what I'm trying to do, too. We are each unique, so there is no reason my path needs to be yours, or yours mine.

I wish you all the best. I'll continue to read your blog from time to time, but I think I'll mostly refrain from commenting.

2:57 PM

 
Blogger -L- said...

Hey LDSwithSSA,

I'm with you buddy. I know you've had your moments of friction here, but I think I might understand what you are saying. I tried to write on this recently myself and had a hard time expressing it. I tried to be diplomatic and even then I ticked some people off it seems. Relativism makes for civil dinner conversation, but you believe what you believe, and that worldview incorporates others (who are free to do as they see fit, just as you are free to think they are making mistakes).

In my mind, sacrificing my physical desires brings on the greater blessing of my current family that can be eternal. It's not something everyone agrees with, obviously, but I just want you to know, LDSwithSSA, that I'm picking up what you're putting down. Keep blogging.

3:01 PM

 

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