My thoughts and musings on living a straight, Christian life while dealing with same sex attraction (SSA). Respectful comments are welcomed.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Busy busy busy

I just looked and found that it's been 2 1/2 weeks since I posted. Life has been pretty crazy, and I have gotten too little sleep, so that didn't help. I have thought a lot about my SSA lately, and still don't have any answers about how to go father in dealing with it. I know I need to eventually go back to therapy to be in a better place (not that I am doing to badly now). I still have thoughts and temptations, and it seems that I have had more lately.

When I struggle more, it seems that it is usually because I am more stressed than usual, more tired than usual, or there is some blessing on the horizon that Satan doesn't want me to have. I'm not sure what the case is now, except that I know the sleep deprivation is feeding into it, but not the main cause. I am not particularly stressed, which leaves some blessing (or a more frightening thought, a calling) on the horizon.

I've been too busy lately to go to my Evergreen meetings, but I don't think that factors in to it. At least not in the way you would think. I found that I couldn't develop the close male friendships there the way that I wanted because of the restricions to keep people from messing up (good rules, but that just means that I can't find what I want there). The sad part, is that even with not having attended a meeting for 2 months, I didn't hear from a single person to see how I was doing. It's possible that they realize that I don't struggle so much based on my weekly check-ins, and didn't think I needed to be "checked up on." Still, it would have been nice. I don't mean this to be the pity party that it sounds like (OK, maybe just a bit). The point is that it made me sad to realize that the relationships I had formed there were much more superficial than I had thought.

Anyhow, that's where I'm at now. Just gotta keep on keepin' on.


Blogger -L- said...

Yeah, as much as I like the friends I've made as I've tried to deal with SSA, I'm discouraged thinking that the scope of our friendship is so limited.

As for increased temptation, my theory is Spring. I have noticed that perrenial rise in desire common to every mammal I've seen.

4:13 PM

Blogger gilmore guy said...

I do notice the seasons too, but spring is when I feel best and when I date the most. By winter I start to waver and doubt and that's when I usually break up with whatever girl I began dating in the summer. Maybe I just need to live in a climate that skips winter, heheh.

9:45 PM

Blogger Gay Mormon said...

Maybe it's a compliment that no one from Evergreen contacted you. Maybe they think you're extremely hot, and they are intimidated by you. They're scared to call.

Vanity can heal all wounds of the ego. :)

3:10 AM

Blogger AttemptingthePath said...

hahahaha, gay mormon does have a point

8:47 PM

Anonymous said...

That is so awesome that you are going thru treatment. I always wished I would have tried treatment orsomething along those lines to see if maybe I dont know something could have been done

5:57 PM


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