My thoughts and musings on living a straight, Christian life while dealing with same sex attraction (SSA). Respectful comments are welcomed.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


I never intended for this blog to be a pulpit for the church's position on dealing with SSA, which is what it has become. The fact that I believe the church's position every bit as much as some believe it is wrong, is beside the point. Because I have stated it as factually as I believe it, some are upset with me. I have been called self-righteous, arrogant, bigotted, been told I am using reaction formation, and quoted as if I had said things with a big "neener neener" (someone actually used those words). I was harsh in one post (and have left it there for the record), and I have apologized to those who were offended, but I also will not alter my conservative stance just because it is offensive to those who are more liberal. (I still say that if one is lobbying the prophet to change his stance based on social or political pressure, then that contradicts the very idea of upholding him as Prophet who speaks for God on earth.)

The sad thing is that I would never speak so bluntly in person. I would make the same points, but I really am much more diplomatic in person. Not long ago, I told a friend that I thought he was making a mistake to date men, that it was taking him away from where he wants to be (based on things he had told me about his goals what he wants). And I was able to do so without giving offense.

Still, I didn't start this blog to spout off from a soapbox. I started it to work out my thoughts and feelings about this issue. The fact is, I don't know if this is really a safe arena for me to do that anymore. Some have been fairly argumentative with me, and some have been openly hostile. As such, I have some trepidation about revealing sensitive thoughts and issues. I'm not saying this to whine, but to express my concerns.

I realize that this is a sensitive and controversial issue, and that not everyone will agree. I don't mind respectful disagreement, but when people get argumentative and/or hostile with me on my own blog, it's irksome.


Blogger David said...

I never intended for this blog to be a pulpit for the church's position on dealing with SSA, which is what it has become.

I respect that your position is different than mine, what disturbs me about your blog is the way you claim to speak for the Mormon church. Unless you are an appointed public representative I don't believe you should claim to be presenting "the church's position on dealing with SSA." I would be very interested to know your position on dealing with SSA which will of course include Mormon doctrine, however, it will be Mormon doctrine as interpretted by you.

I hope you'll keep writing (either online or offline.) I really believe that the response to your blog would be more supportive if you simply shared your thoughts and feelings without passing judgement or comparisons.

I appreciate the thought processes you've brought about within my own mind and heart, I doubt any of them were what you would expect, but they have ben beneficial to me. Take care.

1:11 AM

Blogger LDSwithSSA said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:25 AM

Blogger LDSwithSSA said...

I don't claim to speak for the church, and have never said anything remotely similar. I merely cite their already public position, and have included quotes to support it, much like you would do with any college paper.

I respect that your position is different than mine nice to hear, as I have not felt much respect from you. I respect your right to believe differently from me, and show that respect by choosing not to argue with you when I think you are wrong.

...if you simply shared your thoughts and feelings without passing judgement or comparisons Interesting comment when I have felt more judgement from you than anyone. I have NEVER directed my comments at a specific person, whereas you have called me self-righteous (among other things). Frankly, I think you are being every bit as judgemental as you call me.

6:47 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guys, we already know the church's position on the subject. The scriptures and leaders' opinions are readily available. Just parroting or re-hashing their words isn't particularly enlightening or of much benefit to anyone, in my opinion.

9:37 PM

Anonymous Foxx said...

Recent events in my life have reinforced the idea that it is important to feel safe, especially on your own turf. I apologize if and when I have contributed to that feeling of trepidation. This is a sensitive issue, affecting all of us here in the gay mormon blogosphere differently.

I am glad for your perspective. It helps me see that there are other possibilities than the ones I'm coming up with. It allows me to see that there is an option to be all right with my SSA feelings and be right with the church at the same time. Right now my life isn't headed in that direction, but it's good to know that choice is there.

Beyond that, I think that the things you have to say are important to have here for those who have not yet made their decisions on this subject. For while we are all blogging to sort through our own feelings, I'm certain that there are those who just read them - who need the different perspectives in order to make more educated choices about the possible consequences to their actions.

10:18 PM

Blogger David said...

Respect• due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others.

I vocally disagree because I do respect you, not because I don't. I wouldn't spend time addressing any issue or person that I didn't respect on some level. I suppose we view that idea from opposite points.

As I stated before, I appreciate the thought processes you've brought about in me. I will admit that I tend to come on too strong when I feel passionately about something.

When you refer to me calling you "self-righteous (among other things)" (I believe bigoted was one of the other things.) I think I always cited what you said that struck me in a certain way as well as the definition of the word I used to back up why what you said struck me as self-righteous or bigoted. I stand by what I said, but I apologize if I came across in a mean way, it was not my intention.

I harbor no negative feelings towards you, I really did want to understand you better. You've made a life choice very different from me (getting married to a woman inspite of your attractions to men.) I'm unable to fathom how that can work. It's something I've always wanted more insight into.

One last thing-your claim that I am being every bit as judemental as I have called you-it's quite possible.

10:52 PM

Blogger el veneno said...

Not everyone is going to agree with your opinions all the time. That's cool. I'm happy to hear as many voices as possible cause all these bloggers and commenters out hear have a little something that is good for me to hear.
The people who respond with hostile comments should grow up. In the end though, it's all just words and it is a cyber-reality so don't let it hurt too much.

1:21 PM

Blogger Samantha said...

Thank you for your thoughts/musings/opinions. Those of us who have struggled with SSA must come to a point where we know what we believe--or stay in no-man's (woman's)-land where life is meaningless or too sad to contemplate.

You have provided food for thought.

3:27 PM


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